The Tiny Spider
by Miko Willow
Summary: Read and find out! If you dare....


**Authors Note:** Okay, before you read this fan fiction.. it has some yaoi.. and probably some disturbing scenes…

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Full Metal Alchemist… or Naraku's evil laugh..

**The Tiny Spider**

Roy was busy one day doing his usual paper work, but.. he really wasn't actually doing anything. All he was basically doing was just fiddling around with a blue pen in his hand, feeling really bored. Riza walked into the office to check up on Roy. She saw what he was doing and sigh. "Sir… you should-"

"HUSH!" Roy interrupted her, raising his hand. "I'm concentrating here…."

Riza rolled her eyes. "What are you doing then?" She asked slightly annoyed.

"What does it look like?" He asked sarcastically.

"It looks like you're not doing your work…" She replied dryly.

Roy let out a small chuckle. "Of course I'm doing my work…."

"Oh really?"

"Yes!"

Riza sighed. "You're really hopeless… do I really have to look after you like a hawk?"

"Yes… isn't that why your name is.. Hawkeye?" He asked, with a raised eyebrow as he slightly smirked with amusement.

Riza rolled her eyes once again and left the office.

Roy sighed as he dropped the pin onto the desk. He laid back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. "One day Riza.." He started. "I'll see you wearing a tiny mini skirt! Buwhahahahaha!" As Roy stood up, and looked down at his desk. He noticed, something big, round, and brown, that has eight legs. He face slightly paled as his eyes widen in horror. He let out a terrified scream as he collapsed.

* * *

Roy finally recovered as he found himself, laying on his black couch all tied up. He struggle a bit, but he could barely move. _'What the hell is going on here….?'_ He thought to himself, but then he saw something big, round and brown, that has eight legs hoped right onto Roy's stomach. His eyes widen in horror once again. The spider smirked devilishly. "Kukukukukukukukukuuuu…" It chuckled evilly. "Now…… that I got you captured….. I have a better chance of.. take over the central! KUKUKUKUKUKUKUUUUUUUUU!" 

Roy let out a gasped. "NO! THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!"

"But it is…" The spider began. "ONCE I CAPTURE ALL OF THE STATE ALCHEMIST.. NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO CAPTURE ME! KUKUKUKUKUUUUUUUUUU!"

Roy raised an eyebrow. "How the hell are ya going to do that! Your just a tiny little spider! YOU CAN'T CAPTURE ANYONE!"

"Oh? But.. I captured you.. didn't I?" The spider asked.

"Oh…" Roy's face slightly flustered.

"KUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUUUUUU!"

"STOP LAUGHING LIKE THAT! IT'S ANNOYING!" Roy demanded.

"Shut up!" The spider went up to Roy's face and frenches him. Roy's eyes widen in horror as he fainted. The spider rubbed both of his.. uh… legs together evilly. "KUKUKUKUKUUUUU!"

* * *

Edward and Alphonse were in their doom, hanging around. Ed was laying on the couch reading an alchemy book while Al was playing with a kitten he found on the streets, which Ed let him from all the pleading Al did. Ed let out a sigh as he slammed his book shut. "I'm bored Al…" He complained. 

Al sweat dropped. "You.. want to go out and wonder around town..?" He suggested.

"Yeah… that'll be good and plus we could get that kitten a home!" Ed said with a smirk.

Al sighed. "All right…."

"But first… I have to report to that damn Mustang…" Ed said, slightly gritting his teeth. He got up from the couch and walked over to the door. "I'll be back soon.." He said and left the room. Al continued to play more with the kitten.

* * *

Roy finally regain consciousness as he glared at the spider, that was still on his stomach. "I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE LEFT ALREADY!" 

"Kukukukukukuuuu! I'm waiting for Full Metal to enter the room!"

"Oh.. That would be interesting to see… Full Metal captured by a tiny weak spider…" He chuckled slightly to himself at the thought of that, but then he remembered he was captured himself.. by a tiny weak spider. "Damn it.. now I can't rub it in! DAMN YOU STUPID-"

The spider smacked him across the face painfully, while Roy let out a yelp of pain. It left a small red mark on Roy's face. "HEY! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!" Roy yelled.

"For calling me weak!" The spider glared daggers at Roy, which made him shuddered. "Good.. I see now that you're starting to see your place…"

All of a sudden, the doors burst open as Edward stormily walked in. "Alright Mustang! I'm here to give ya-" He imminently stopped dead in his track to see Roy on the couch, tied up with a fat ass spider on his stomach. Ed had a very strange look on his face. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"

"Full Metal…" The spider smirked wickedly as it jumped off of Roy's stomach and was now flying towards Edward. Luckily, Ed was able to move out of the way before the spider was able to pin him to the ground. Edward just stood there, staring down at the spider in shock. The spider turned around and tried to jump on Ed again, but he dodged again. "Nice try…..!"

The spider growled deadly as it landed on the ground. It quickly turned around again and try to pounce on Ed, but unfortunately the spider missed again. "Will you stop moving!" The spider demanded.

"Why should I!" Edward asked with a raised eyebrow.

"SO I CAN CAPTURE YOU AND TAKE OVER CENTRAL!"

Edwared stared awkwardly, before he fell to the ground bursting out laughing. The spider smirk and took the advantage of this, by hopping onto Edward's stomach, who stopped laughing to find himself pinned by the spider. "Hey! Get-" He was stopped when the spider frenched him, which causes him to faint. Roy couldn't help but laugh his whole ass off, but then he remembered the same thing happened to him and completely stopped laughing as he now had an annoyed look on his face. '_Stupid spider!'_

Ed awoke to find himself, laying by the couch on the ground completely tied up. He looked up to see Roy staring down at him, and then looked ahead to find the spider on his stomach, with a wide smirk on his face. "There's nothing you can do now… Full Metal! KUKUKUKUKUUUKUUKUUU-"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY WITH THAT DAMN LAUGH!" Roy yelled. The spider gave Roy a very evil death glare that made Roy shut his mouth quickly. Edward just stared in horror. _'Great… I'm probably going to get killed by a tiny fat ass spider…..'_ He thought.

"Now…. will was I….? OH YES! My evil laugh! KUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUUUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKUKU!"

Edward and Roy twitched with irritation from the evil spider's laughter. One of them was really going to explored at an moment. Most likely at this point.. it would probably be Edward of the explosion. Roy was just to damn scared to do anything, afraid of feeling the wrath of the evil tiny spider.

"KUKUKUKU! Now….. that I have the Flame Alchemist.. and the Full Metal Alchemist….. I have a better chance of taking over the central! AND FORCE ALL THE FEMALES THAT WORK HERE WEAR TINEY MINI SKIRTS! KUKUKUKUKUKUKUKKU!"

An anime vein appeared on Roy's head. "HEY! THAT'S MY DREAM! YOU CAN-"

The spider beat Roy to a bloody pulp. "DID I SAY YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING!"

"N-No! I'M SORRY! PLEASE! MOMMY!" Roy cried.

Edward felt like he was going to die. It was really embarrassing to be held captured by a tiny spider. _'I got to think of something.. I can't move! DAMN THAT SON OF A BITCH SPIDER!'_

The spider then fully turned its attention to Edward. "Hmm…." He smirked, starting to have a dirty mind as it crawled up and down Edwards' legs. "HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YA TRYING TO DO?" Edward demanded. The spider stared at with smirk. "You're feel!" Edward blinked with confusion, as the spider went down Edwards pants. "HEY!" He twitched. "G-GET OUT OF-! AH! NO! STOP THAT!" Edward squirmed around uncomfortably. "STOP IT!"

Roy couldn't help up chuckle slightly. "Heeeheeheh…."

"GR! DAMN YOU SON OF A BITCH! GET OUT OF MY PANTS YA PREVERT!" Edward demanded, still squirming around.

"What's wrong Full Metal? Not enjoying yourself?" Roy smirked.

"SHUT THE HELL UP- HEY! DON'T YOU DARE!"

Roy chuckled once again. "This is very a amusing… seeing Full Metal being molested by a spider!"

"SHUT UP YA DAMN MUSTANG- OW! DON'T BITE ME THERE! YOU SICK ASS SPIDER!" Ed twitched.

"Kukukukukukukukukuuuuu…." Finally the Spider climbed out of Edward's pants. "That was fun!" He smiled brightly. "Now… it's Roy's turn…."

"NO! DON'T YOU DARE!" Roy glared evilly at the spider. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TOUCH MY BODY!"

"I… feel… violated now….." Edward stammered.

"Oh come on Rorry Boy! I bet ya thing is… waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay bigger then Edwards!" The spider chirped.

"HEY! JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE INSULT MY HEIGHT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN INSULT MY THANG!" Edward complained with an anime vein.

Roy smirked. "Ya.. it probably is… BUT DON'T YA DARE!."

The spider pouted. "Awwwww! You're no fun!" The spider crosses two of his legs over it's chest.

Roy sighed in relief. "Yay.. I can keep my virginity!"

Edward twitched. "NOT FAIR!"

The spider just shrugged. "Oh well! No more fooling around! I got to capture the rest of the State Alchemists! Kukukukukukukukuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

"How the hell can you do that! You're just a tiny weak spider! That's impossible!" Edward yell in disbelief.

"I captured you and Roy…" He smirked.

"Oh…" Ed's face slightly flustered. Roy sighed as he struggled slightly, trying to get himself untied, but it was no use. The spider shook its head disappointedly. "I thought you would have learned by now that it's no use.. you cannot untie my web.. kukukukukukuuuuuuu!"

"Damn it…" Roy cursed under his breather. There was no more hope for these boys, they're fate is coming near.

Edward twitched once again. "I was just looking forward on having a nice time with my brother wondering around town.. but no! I'm captured by a stupid puny ass spider!" He complained. "This is all your fault Roy! If only I didn't have to see your ugly face today, then I wouldn't be in this mess now would I! HMMM!"

"SHUT UP FULL METAL! AT LEAST I'M NOT A SMALL SIZE BEAN LIKE YOU!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SMALL SIZE BEAN!"

"YOU, YOU DUMB ASS! GOD!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALING A DUMB ASS!"

"YOU! YOU'RE REALLY THAT STUPID?"

"YES! Wait.. NO!"

"Oh.. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure…"

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!

"MAKE ME!" Roy and Ed yelled out in union.

"Alright.. since both of you won't listen to me.. I'll have to punish you both.." He smirked. "Kukukukukukuuuuu!"

"PUNISH ME! HA! DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH!" Roy said with a smirk.

"Flame…. Full Metal.. you both shall make out right now!"

"WHAT!" The two boys yelled.

"I SAID MAKE OUT! DO IT NOW!"

"HELL NO! I RATHER EAT SHARDS OF GLASS!" Ed said.

"AND I RATHER MAKE OUT WITH MY OWN MOTHER!" Roy said. The whole room went dead silent.

"…….."

"Uh… heeheee… that came out wrong.. uh.. what I met.. to uh.. say was that.. I rather make out.. with.. A dirty mop!" Roy said, laughing nervously as his face turned read.

"OH SURE YA DID!" Ed rolled his eyes.

"SHUT UP!"

"Hey! Hey!" The spider jumped up and down. "Do what I say… or else I'll pull out the thang!"

Roy and Ed turned their attention the jumping spider, blinking with confusion. "The thang!" They both asked.

"Yes…. the thang!"

"Feh! I'm not afraid of some stupid thang!" Edward said with confident

"Oh really…?" Slowly, the spider stated to pull something out behind it's back. Roy suddenly looked nervous and so did Ed. "W-WAIT!" Edward stammered.

The spider smirked. "What's wrong Full Metal…?" The spider asked, as he stopped.

"Fine.. I-I'll kiss.. (most likely kill…) ROY!"

Roys faced look horrified. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" He slowly started to back away on the couch. "DON'T COME NEAR ME!"

Edward jumped on top of Roy and started to make to make out with him, so he wouldn't feel the wrath of the thang. The spider sat back in a chair and was eating a large bowel of popcorn. "Keep it up!"

All of a sudden the door burst open and an angry Riza marched into the office. "SIR! I-" But she stopped suddenly, looking at Roy and Ed with her jaws dropped with shock. "W-What's going on in here!"

Edward jolted backwards away from Roy with a very red face. "HARWKEYE! I-IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"

"Oh yes it is…" Roy mumbled under his breath, his face was too red

Riza raised an eyebrow. "I don't even want to know…" But then she spotted a big fat ass brown spider, sitting on the chair, while eating a big bowl of popcorn. "What the…..?"

The spider looked at Riza with sparkly eyes. "OH! BOOBS!" The spider jumped from the chair and was flying towards Riza's chest, which he spilled the bowl of popcorn in the process by the way. Riza acted quickly as she took her gun from her side and shot it. The spider explored into pieces in slow motion as it screamed the dramtic:"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Riza put her gun away as the two boys looked up at her with sparkly eyes. "YOU SAVED US!" They both yelped with happiness as they were finally untied. They both went up to her and gave her a big hug with tears of joy coming out of their eyes. Riza sighed as she smacked her forehead with irritation. She shoved both of the boys away. "Please.. don't touch me…" She said, straitening out her uniform.

"I owe you for this Hawkeye!" Ed yelled.

"Yeah! And when I become Fuhrer, I promise I won't make you wear those tiny mini skirts!" Roy yelled.

Riza sighed again. _'I don't believe him….'_

**The End.**

**Author's Note:** Yeah.. I know what ya thinking… a whole waste of time!


End file.
